Channel Five

We all know that Richard Desmond has bought FIVE. And we all know that owns the Daily Express and Television X and OK!. FIVE is soon to be rebranded Channel Five, in a canny move that reflects what everybody called it anyway. Desmond has also apparently bludgeoned some advertising executives into a new advertising strategy. Unfortunately, as I shall explain, it's pitiful. And luckily for him, I know how to make it better.

I wonder if the "high five" is an intentional visual pun

The Deep

It often seems like any media body who isn't the BBC is constantly harping on about the BBC wasting licence fee payers' money. The executives are claiming expenses for eating the placenta of an Egyptian godess, a billion employees have been sent to provide live coverage of a Monopoly game in Wolverhampton and the annual income of Russia has been spent producing Firecrackers: A Silent Killer. That's the usual stuff peddled by the Daily Mail to get use to refuse to pay the licence fee. But really, they should forget their previous arguments. Only two words are needed:

Somebody clearly left off "...Blue Sea" from the titlecard